So there are 41 days of my summer left. And the closer I get to receiving my first BA degree, the more terrified I become. Why couldn’t I have majored in something that would immediately put me into the job field? Instead of something very very undefined like English. I refuse to be a life long college student like PM.

Before I decided to attend the WB, I was planning on going to Spokane Community College and getting my degree as an invasive EKG tech. I was even offered an internship with my cardiologist. That would have been a smart move…I think, in retrospect. I would already be in the workforce, earning $75,000 a year, and would probably have fulfilled my lifelong dream of going to Africa. My cardiologist travels all over the world doing free surgery for orphans with congenital heart defects…so I would probably have gone with him. Gosh, I’m kicking myself. But yeah…I know God had me go to the WB for a reason, and I totally wouldn’t have all the cool friends I have now. I probably would be a big time party girl. Yum with the alcohol. But still…I would be set for the future. I’ll just keep telling myself that my future is going to be super cooler than that one because I chose the uncertain path. Be all Robert Frost-like. Or something.

I don’t know why I’m freaking out about all of this. I have a year. Why does that not seem like enough time? I used to have all this direction and drive…now I just want to sit in the school scene and party hardy. But I keep getting this paranoid feeling that I need to get a job and start saving up. I have no money for living expenses next year…not to mention that next summer I will lose my car, and will need to start paying rent. Ghetto. I just want to be prepared. It’s highly doubtful that I will be getting married, and I don’t really have many options next summer. With the job market like it is…ach. I am freaking myself out. Subject change.

My brother and sister came home today. I missed them both. Although, I’m pretty sure they didn’t even think of me. Which is fine, they’re teenagers, it’s acceptable. My brother promptly headed out the door to spend the night with JJ…and Kiki just sat in her room. My dad was busy in the yard, and my mum was cross stitching or something. RJ was slaying demons on Diablo II, so that left me to read and drink cocoa in my room all day. It was relaxing. Reading “Chocolat” made me crave chocolate like none other. Gee, I wonder why.