I have a proclamation. And I use the word proclamation with purpose. Cuz that means it’s for everyone, and lots of people, and it’s important, and crap like that. Anyway…back to the proclamation.
I am not perfect.
Most of you are probably like, “huh?” But I had a good talk today…about perfection and the lack of it.
How do I get my arms around this…let’s see. I hate working for Christians — well, maybe I should clarify. When you serve Christians, and they know you’re a Christian, it’s ten times harder to do your job. People expect so much more out of you. I think it’s the same with my college. (And this is my blog, so obviously this is just my opinion.) I’ve been saying for the past year or so, that my “groupies” at WB are confusing. We’re downright mean to one another. We’re dirty, we’re degrading, and a lot of the times we give Christianity a bad name. It’s like…if one of us hauls off and drops the F bomb, then all of the rest of us think, “oh…so and so said it…I can say it!” And then it’s okay. And it goes downhill from there. From swearing, to sexual innuendo, to you name it. Just lowering the bar. Well, I’m sick of it. Cuz at the other end of the spectrum, we all want to be seen as the flawless Christian. No one had better tell me what I’m doing wrong in my Christian walk cuz they don’t know anything about what goes on in my heart. It’s none of their business. Shut. Up. Yeah, I know I’m especially guilty of this. I get scared of being seen as a failure especially since I’ve gotten myself all twangled in this silly student leadership business. (That wasn’t meant to be a build up Rogue statement…I’m not very happy about being a student leader right now.)
I’ve been accused of not wanting to trust people. It’s true. I don’t trust people very easily. But can you kind of understand why? I’m not abnormal for being that way. People away from school view me as a very different person. At school, I’m an attitude throwing, boy bashing, relationship femnazi who craves attention. Away from school, people have this weird notion that I’m actually nice. That I listen and am cheerful when it comes to serving others. I don’t have a crude sense of humor or a foul mouth. Funny…you’d think it’d be the other way around. At school, I find myself surrounded by people who live to gossip, scream obscenities at each other, and wheedle to get out of schoolwork. I’m surrounded by them and I’m one of them. Disgusting. I am the hypocritical Christian that secular people point fingers at.
So as for trust. I don’t find people earning it at the WB. Maybe it’s my fault for allowing myself to find people like this. And for letting it affect me. And for not standing up for the standards of Jesus Christ. But I’m tired of it. When I reach the point where I don’t want to go back to a Christian college because I’m afraid of how much lower my morals could go, it’s time to do something. So, here it goes…
I don’t have any answers of how to solve this. And I suppose that doesn’t really matter, cuz the only person I can change is myself. I’d like to think I have an affect on other people, but that would be assuming too much — affecting people is God’s job. If He wants to use me…cool. He’s God. He knows what He’s doing.