7-28-2003
A blog a day keeps the grumpies away! So I’ve decided I just can’t kick the blog habit in one day. So you’ll have something to read-ha, like you guys are at all enthused about that fact. Anyway.
So I’m sitting on the big double bed I’m sharing with Kiki in our lovely little cottage in Manzanita. It’s actually pretty nice-only two blocks from the beach. Kiki , RJ, and I went down there this evening. I forgot how much I fell in love with the beach last summer. But, to be honest, it’s weird to be on the beach without Haystack Rock looming in my peripheral vision. But I still love all the fog shimmering pink-gold against the foam and the cacophony of the waves against the cliffs. Added bonus-not as many tourists in Manzanita.
Our family sure did “bond” today. *sarcasm* We had planned to leave in the morning – we pulled out at 1:30. Cole slept almost the entire way down to the beach. My mother ended up driving through Portland during rush hour That was a mistake…my mum is a stressed out driver normally. I thought we were going to die going through P-town. I got elected to drive Highway 26 and 101 down the coast. Yippee! I love driving along the coast. Although, driving a 15 passenger van is very different than navigating George along the twisty turns.
I don’t have a clue what our family has planned for tomorrow. I know my dad and I are getting up at 5 am to go take pictures. I’m trying to have a good attitude about this trip- it’s not working so far. I miss the Boise crew. *sigh* Anyway, I should sleep. So- until tomorrow, I suppose. Ta.
Jazzin’ to: Woke Up in a Car- Something Corporate
Current Read: On the Road- Jack Kerouac

7292003
I think I might be clinically depressed or something. It seems like every so often, fairly often, I hit this mire of despondency that I just can’t shake. And the oddest things trigger it.
I got up bright and early this morning at 6 am. My father and I went down to Nehalem and took some pictures. Then we trekked down to Oswald Point and took some of Manzanita wrapped snugly in a pink fuzzy fog blankie. Lots of them are on the digital camera, so hopefully I’ll be able to post them on my photopage. Yippee!
When we got back around 8, my dad went back to sleep and I took a shower, then I actually cooked myself breakfast. My mum and I went out for coffee. Then my family proceeded to watch TV for hours and hours. I finally grabbed the keys and headed to Cannon Beach. I meant to go see Jeff at the Picnic Basket and maybe buy some postcards or something. But Jeff wasn’t working. đŸ˜¦ I wanted to avoid Bella, Fetta, and CBCC. I don’t really know why, but I didn’t really want to see anyone from last summer. But…I got dragged into Bella where I saw Nitch and Nellie. For some unexplicable reason, I felt that all too familiar plate armor creak up and lock itself around my heart. I was desperately trying to be myself, but “I” just wouldn’t come out. I chatted with Nells for a bit, Nitch was talking with someone else. After a few minutes, I got the “hurry up” signal from my mum, so I said goodbye. Right before I walked out, Nitch took my arm and said, “Are you okay, Rogue*? What’s wrong?” Of course, since my mum and Kiki were there, I said I was fine, but my spirit dropped inside of me. I wanted to throw my arms around both of them and sob, “No! Everything is confusing! i don’t know what’s wrong with me! Help!” But I didn’t. I would have had my mum on my case for years, for one thing. But I also would have no idea where to start talking. I would feel like my problems were insignificant and petty. Yes, I would have to admit that my heart is feeling and vulnerable. I don’t understand why I always meet the most amazing people during the summer. Why am I not satisfied with Western People? Ugh.
Anyway. Nellie asked me to come back on Thursday and talk. She’s engaged and I want to hear the whole story on that. But Thurs. is my mum’s birthday and I know she’ll be hurt if I ask to spend all day in Cannon Beach. *sigh* I feel like a part of my heart is missing. Maybe I’ll find it at the Tillamook Cheese Factory when we go tomorrow. Ha…ha… Ta.

Advertisements