o I guess tonight I passed out. I don’t really remember anything except missing gaps in time until later. For example, I don’t remember anything about tonight except for waking up a few times and being confused and then thinking it’d be nice to go back to sleep again…and doing it.
But I remember what happened last time, a few weeks ago. It was like I was being dragged down into a pit and I was trying to wrench myself out of it. Grasping at consciousness in order to keep from going under. Cuz I know that once I’ve been down there, it’s not so bad to stay. And sometimes, I can hear what’s going on around me (is that qualified as unconsciousness?) but I just don’t really remember how to respond. I’m just like, “huh. interesting. people are talking to me. that’s neat.” It’s weird. I had a time in high school where I was passing out right and left and it was like everything got switched off and then on again…and all the unconscious parts were just blips in my memory where all of a sudden I’d be surrounded by concerned people and sometimes doctors.
I just really don’t care for my heart defect in that I can’t ever be “normal” sick. Everything affects my heart in some way. can’t have mono, it’d hurt your heart…strep can settle in your heart…if your ear piercing gets infected, it’ll hurt your heart…cold, flu, everything…we have to take the heart into consideration… bleh. Stupid heart. Okay, so my heart isn’t bad for a broken heart…and it’s quirks definitely make life interesting…but still. *sigh* The ongoing drama of a TGV patient gets old…
Nothing really deep with this…just sharing my thoughts.