Today I was approached by a friend who told me that I was worrying her. To be honest, I wasn’t surprised. I’ve been very different lately…although I’m not sure why. There’s a lingering sense of betrayal in me that I can’t quite place.
I used to talk to people about everything. Note that I say “people” because I did a very good job at spreading myself out among many different friends. I had a friend that I talked to about my walk with Christ, someone I shared my philosophical (or what I hoped were philosophical) thoughts with, a person who knew all my relationship issues and interests, and even someone who I bantered back and forth with about the true meanings of love, leadership, and kung fu.
This has failed me.
Maybe it’s just another disillusionment of growing up…I’m really getting tired of those. Maybe I just trusted one too many people. Maybe I’m just in another phase. Or maybe I was doing something wrong and now I’m reaping the consequences. But I’m realizing that it’s a lot easier, and beneficial to me, to trust very few people and share things with even less…than spreading myself out among everyone to snatch up little pieces of.
This friend also mentioned that she knew how to deal with “stressed out rogue” but not “quiet and stressed out rogue”. Hmmm. Neither do I. But I like the latter a lot better.