What do you write when you’re speechless? I have no idea, so I’m going to try it out. Things in my life have been…interesting…lately. How do you say, “educational”? (I’m trying to substitute words and it’s just hard…that’s all.)
Few things in my life have happened where I’ve been absolutely convinced they were from God. One was coming to the WB. I *still* wonder why I was sent here sometimes, considering you go to college to get an education to prepare you for a career you’re going to have which will help you live out the rest of your days in working class hero-dom. Now, I’m an English major, and I don’t really want to teach, and I don’t think this writing thing will go anywhere far enough to support me financially, and so who knows why I really am an English major other than the fact that 1. I enjoy it, and 2. I’m good at it, so I can slack my way through classes (that’s not meant to be an arrogant statement, a rather derogatory one, in fact). Anyway.
Possibly a reason I was told to come to Western was to mature in my ability to have friendships. I’ve learned a plethora of things about trust, and distrust, honesty, pain, self-reliance and how to depend on others. I’ve learned that I use my anger as a weapon, and I’ve learned that opening up to people and knowing them and them knowing you is one of the most wonderful things in life.
I have a best friend here at Western. And this friend is amazing. I’d even venture to say one of the greatest blessings in my life. He’s put up with me during the worst of times — when I screamed the most horrible things at him, and when I deserted him, and when I just flat out ignored him. And after 3.5 years, our relationships has changed a lot, for good and for bad. But even when things were at their worst, there wasn’t a point I could imagine my life without him. Even if I was imagining him as a punching bag. (Just kidding just kidding!) He can keep up with my wit, he respects me, and he renders me speechless at times. *wink* He makes me feel accepted and safe, I trust him implicitly, and there is probably nothing I would hide from him. That’s odd for me. I’m usually not like this, and it somewhat frightens me…but like I mentioned…very few things have that God smell about them. And this is one of them. I have a peaceful feeling about this. That feeling you find warming your soul on a dark night when you step outside and there’s snow falling peacefully about. And it’s completely…still…