Sometimes I wonder if the only goal of the real world is to make you a less trusting individual. Maybe I just think this because I’ve been in a sheltered little bubble for four out of the last five years. And maybe I’m just gullible and tooooo trusting. Or maybe this is just a very f-ed up place. Or maybe God is just angry about the whole Pope situation and is taking it out on everyone around me.
See, when I graduated and started out on this crazy quest for being a responsible adult, I knew it’d be hard to find a job, and I knew there would be a lot of bills. But the public school system’s primping of my self-esteem and the lacksadaisical environment of college lulled me into believing I could handle.
Boy was I ever the hell wrong.
God has me on this regimen of working my little butt off and then letting me crash. I had four jobs. One was full time, one was part time, and two were one day a week. I could handle saving some money, I could handle my bills and was preparing to start paying some other regular ones (like my own insurance and car payments), when all of a sudden I have two jobs. One part time and one maybe two days a week. Slap! That is for your insolence at considering independence! Not only this, but it has taken almost a year for some corporation which will remain nameless to get their fat government butts in gear and realize my talented boyfriend would be good for a job.
So now, that I have had most of my self-esteem crushed and I’ve been left holding broken faith in myself, tainted faith in my family and a very bewildered and guilt-driven faith in God, He’s jacking up something else. I’m under house arrest. We have spent almost enough money for another vehicle while trying to get my car in working order and still it fails to start. I’m beginning to hate that big white craphole we all affectionately know as George. These repairs have gone both beyond my budget, (which isn’t saying much), and my parents’ budget (considering we have all these soccer tournaments to pay for, Rogue). I’m so frustrated I could vomit. And it isn’t like any more “it will be okay’s” or “God has a plan/sense of humor/is in control’s” or “i wish i could help/i’m sorry’s” will do any good. I’m ready to burn that …..well you know.I know it seems all I do lately is complain and bemoan the current state of affairs, but you’ll have to excuse me. The computer is my only confidant. And my very far away boyfriend. And the gay guy next door.
Besides, the local Corban webring of blogs has become very sparse. Suckers.