Puke is some pretty potent stuff. Not just because sometimes it comes out with volatile force, or because it smells, or because it can cause other people to vomit as well. It can wreak murder on your social life.

Paul* puked in his class yesterday. Poor kid. He’s normally pretty popular – floppy brown hair, skateboarder, good sense of humor. But he made a bad decision when it came to eating breakfast and all of a sudden, students are avoiding him like…a puddle of puke.

Apparently, he raised his hand to go to the bathroom because he wasn’t feeling well and the teacher waved him out. This teacher is the high stress kind. She came in the other day wanting to get another student booted from her class for calling her a “liar.” We didn’t have the heart to tell her teachers often get called much worse. Anyway. Before Paul even made it to the door it was too late. Projectile vomit. Spatter. Spray. Lots of screaming.

Paul proceeded onto the bathroom. The teacher and students were left staring horrified. A passing student saw the problem, alerted us and we called the janitor. Remind me never never to be a school janitor. Yick. Ten minutes later, the teacher came in all a-fluster asking to go to the library to teach class. The smell of the stuff was so powerful, other students were running to the bathroom (and this time making it) to follow Paul’s example of digestive fireworks. They weren’t able to hold class in that room all day. The stench flooded the D wing. The stench reached our office – almost 50 yards away. It really was putrescent. Pukeretchent. Heh.

Half an hour after all this has happened, Paul strolls into our office towards the nurse’s. He asks if he can call home and I ask, “Are you the culprit of all this mayhem?” He laughs and shaking his wet hair (from dousing it in the sink to cool off the clamminess, I can only assume), affirms he’s the culprit, but that he’s feeling much better now. He just admits no one will get near him and the teacher won’t let him back in her class. He feels bad because he saw the janitor scrubbing the door and windows with high powered cleaners. With the equivalent of a gas mask on.

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